"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ― Douglas Adams
I've been flirting with the idea of becoming a writer for some time now, and I have written quite a bit. But what was I ultimately really saying? That's a great question to ponder. The writers that I have influenced me are Ernest Hemingway, Dan Brown, Frank Herbert and Neil Gaiman. But there are so many others. I primarily read non-fiction books and life philosophy books. I'm very interested in philosophy. But I've failed to find my niche. My little corner of the bookstore. I've really failed at sticking with anything. In the past six months, I've been focusing on health. Getting as healthy as possible so that I can then build my new life. It's crazy when you believe that your life is going one direction and then it takes a complete and total u-turn. But it's time to let go of that story. It's time to start the new one. The old one doesn't serve me anymore. There is a highly-educated individual who has a wonderful YouTube channel called Nerdwriter. He defines trauma as this:
"The idea is that we are going to go through trauma, but trauma is an opportunity to change and to reorganize the elements that made up your life. When a person's mind is traumatized, it's like the story that they were telling themselves ceases to be persuasive and when a story stops being persuasive it is disorienting, and that I think is what trauma is. The period between when your old story breaks down and from the pieces of the old, you build something new." - Evan Puschak
When our story breaks down, it's hard to get to the new one. Mainly because there is the story that we tell ourselves, and then the story that everyone else tells about you. I believe the truth, as always, is somewhere in the middle. My story is in the middle right now of a place where the page is not turning. I'm ready to turn the page and tell the next chapter. But what is it? What will happen next? I know it starts with brain health, then with body health and then with taking care of my needs. It's impossible to take care of someone else's needs if you're not taking care of your own. So I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that my needs are becoming a priority in my life. I have two beautiful, talented and smart daughters who deserve the best daddy in the world. The best of me is what they are going to get. Eliminating social media has allowed me to see and think more clearly. Other thoughts banging around your head can definitely be a burden. This is a digital promise to write more. I hope to write on this blog and share with you who I am and what I do. More to come.